Whoop Blog

 

Vote For The Worst.

I competed on the show "America's Got Talent" and by competed I mean I was on the show but lost. It was a surreal experience and the day that I was voted off of the show by 18 Million Home Viewers was also my birthday. As far as birthdays go it was a pretty shitty one. I was alone in Hollywood filming a bizarre talent competition and I knew that I was "going home". The night before I discovered that I was the number one pick for the website www.votefortheworst.com and my last performance on the show definitely warranted the negative attention. I sucked. You can watch here:

The Process. Part 1.

Currently (4-6-14) I am on a cruise ship in Alaska to perform a comedy juggling show and true to form rather than enjoy the beautiful scenery I am writing jokes. To my credit I am doing it on the top deck while whale watching (see: being disappointed). It occurred to me that the process of writing a good joke is pretty under appreciated, in so much as very few people know how much work goes into a single punchline.

So I decided it might be a good thing to document my process. I am looking for a joke to perform tonight that I've never performed before and that has something to do with the Alaskan cruise that I am currently on. I need a joke like this to to fulfill my daily quota of never-before-performed-and-topical jokes. These are the jokes that I wrote over the course of an hour (un-edited and in all their terrible glory). I will probably try one or two of these tonight. Hopefully they wont suck. 

Too Soon?
By Thomas John

It was once said that comedy equals tragedy plus time. A great quote but one that leaves out the most important piece of information: how much time? We all can identify tragedy: plane crashes, school shootings, burnt bags of popcorn. So how long do you have to wait until burnt popcorn is funny again? Wait too long and you end up with a perfectly crafted joke about the War of the Roses that nobody wants to hear. Undershoot and you'll be met with a chorus of "too soon"s, and you'll be labeled as insensitive.

Most working comedians and jugglers agree that stealing material is wrong but the range of beliefs as to what constitutes “material” is vast.

4 club back-crosses? That’s a trick. Anyone who can do it, should.

4 club backcrosses with a balance? Good luck, but sure, give it a try.

4 club back-crosses while balancing a non-licensed, copyrighted, stuffed mouse on a pole, hmmmm…

What is theft?

Try the following thought experiment and see where you draw your lines.

You break into Wally Eastwood ’s house, take his bounce piano prop, and then use it to perform the same routine, note for note, joke for joke, that he’s been using as his finale for over 25 years. I would expect no juggler to be okay with that.

But what if you built your own bounce piano and performed a different song with different jokes than Wally’s. Would you feel good about this? If so, you could be very successful doing cruise ships and might even be invited back for the wildcard round of America’s Got Talent. But I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t want to write for you. I don’t want to spend time with you. And, by the way, I was going to pay for dinner.

 

People say the German’s don’t like jokes. German’s think that’s not funny. I spent 10 months performing in Germany in a fancy variety theater. As part of my “on stage antics” I would lure a German man onto the stage using a big beer as bait. It worked amazingly well, like convincing an arsonist to borrow your lighter. I did this every night (twice on Saturday and Sunday) for almost a year.